By Divya Munjal
Discover how to identify true friends and avoid being treated as a “spare tyre.” Learn the signs of one-sided friendships, real-life examples, and practical strategies to build meaningful, balanced relationships.
In life, we meet countless people—some stay, some leave, and a few become friends who truly matter. These are the friends we confide in, celebrate with, and lean on during challenging times. True friendship is a rare gift: it provides comfort, understanding, and unwavering support. A genuine friend is not just someone who shares in your happiness but also stands by you when life gets difficult—a blessing that enriches your life in countless ways.
However, not all friendships are as sincere as they seem. Some people treat friends as if they were a “spare tyre.” When everything is going well, they may be distant, indifferent, or non-responsive. But the moment they face a setback—personal, professional, or emotional—they suddenly expect you to be available, to support them unconditionally, and to provide guidance or comfort. In such relationships, you are not a friend in the true sense—you are a backup, a spare tyre: useful only when needed.
How Spare Tyre Friendships Work
Consider the story of Raj and Sameer (imaginary names). They were colleagues who had become friends over the years. When Raj received a promotion, he excitedly shared the news with Sameer, but there was no acknowledgment—not even a simple congratulatory message. Months later, when Sameer faced a personal crisis, he reached out to Raj for support, expecting immediate attention and empathy. Raj realized that he had been treated as a spare tyre: someone to be leaned on only when convenient for the other person.
Another example comes from my own life. During college, I had a friend with whom I shared everything—successes, struggles, and small joys. When I landed my first job, I tried to share my excitement, but she barely responded. A few months later, when she faced career challenges, she expected me to be available 24/7 for advice, moral support, and guidance. I realized that our friendship was one-sided, and I had been reduced to a spare tyre. That experience taught me an important lesson about boundaries and self-respect.
Signs You Are Being Treated as a Spare Tyre
To protect yourself, it is important to recognize the warning signs of a one-sided friendship:
-
Inconsistent Communication: They only reach out when they need help but ignore your messages during happy moments.
-
Lack of Celebration: They never celebrate your achievements or successes.
-
One-Sided Support: You are expected to provide emotional or practical support, but they rarely reciprocate.
-
Conditional Presence: Their presence in your life depends on convenience, not genuine care.
If you notice these patterns, it is a signal to reevaluate the friendship before investing more time and energy.
How to Prevent Yourself from Being a Spare Tyre
-
Observe and Reflect: Pay attention to how your friends behave not just during your low points but also during your successes. Genuine friends are happy for you and consistently present.
-
Set Healthy Boundaries: Supporting friends is natural, but not at the cost of your emotional well-being. Limit your investment in relationships that are consistently one-sided.
-
Nurture Reciprocal Friendships: Focus on relationships where care, attention, and support flow both ways. Surround yourself with friends who value you and celebrate your achievements.
-
Communicate Openly: If you feel hurt by sporadic attention, talk about it honestly. Some people may be unaware of their behaviour and can adjust if made conscious.
-
Self-Check: Avoid turning others into your spare tyres. Ask yourself if you are equally present in your friends’ lives or only reach out when you need something.
Real-Life Example of Healthy Friendship
Priya and Meena (imaginary names) were close friends who made it a point to check in with each other every week. Whether it was celebrating small wins, offering advice during stressful situations, or simply sharing a casual chat, their friendship was consistent and balanced. This consistency ensured that neither felt undervalued or like a spare tyre. They learned that true friendship requires effort, empathy, and regular engagement—not just emergency support.
Why This Matters
Friendship is one of life’s greatest treasures, but its value is determined by mutual respect, care, and consistency. Being treated as a spare tyre can lead to emotional exhaustion, self-doubt, and disappointment. By identifying these patterns early, setting boundaries, and focusing on reciprocal relationships, you can protect your mental and emotional well-being.
Remember, friendship is not a transaction or a convenience—it is a commitment. True friends do not appear only during emergencies; they stand by you during both good times and bad. You deserve to be treated as a priority, not as a backup plan.
Final Thoughts
Do not allow anyone to reduce your worth to that of a spare tyre. Cherish friends who celebrate your victories, support you consistently, and bring positivity into your life. Step back from one-sided relationships that drain your energy. Observe, reflect, communicate, and act with intention. Life is too short to invest in friendships that are only convenient for the other person.
Choose friends who value you for who you are, not what you can provide. Stand by those who truly matter and cultivate connections that are nurturing, genuine, and lasting. True friendship is a blessing—protect it, cherish it, and never settle for being someone’s spare tyre.
Friendship is one of life’s greatest blessings, but it works best when it is balanced and genuine. Take a moment to reflect on your own relationships: Are you giving and receiving support equally, or are you being treated like a spare tyre? Share your thoughts, experiences, or tips in the comments below, and let’s start a conversation about building meaningful, lasting friendships.
Inspired by my previous post: https://divyamunjal.com/spare-tyre/